How Grief Is Experienced During the Holidays
Grief does not look the same for everyone, especially during the holidays. Some people feel an urge to stay busy, while others pull inward. Some want to keep traditions exactly as they were, and others find the normal traditions hard to face. You may feel connected one moment and distant the next, even within the same day. These differences can exist between people sharing the season together or with someone facing the holidays on their own. Needs can shift without warning, and emotions may change from day to day. What matters most is allowing space for those differences, whether that means adjusting expectations, changing plans, or giving yourself the permission to move through the holiday season at your own pace. Grief is not something to manage or fix, but rather to acknowledge with understanding and care.
Why Grief & Winter Blues Feel Heavier In The Cold Months
OThere are four major reasons so many experience heightened grief during this season.
Shorter Days and Less Sunlight Affect Our Mood: As fall switches over to winter, daytime hours begin to fade faster. This change can affect our energy, sleep patterns, motivation, and overall emotional balance. The body depends on sunlight to regulate sleep and important chemicals like serotonin. When sunlight becomes limited, many people experience the winter blues, which can make emotions feel heavier and daily tasks harder. It becomes easier to feel shut off and isolated even when you are not alone.
Memories Feel Stronger During the Holidays: The holiday season is filled with tradition. Family gatherings, favorite meals, shared music, and repeated yearly moments all bring a flood of memories. When a loved one is missing, these thoughts can feel both comforting and painful. You may find your mind drifting to the empty seat at the table that should have been filled. You may reminisce about the same joke Uncle Joe told every year or the holiday dish they loved.. These small, familiar memories tend to surface quietly, reminding you how present their absence feels.
Pressure to Be Cheerful and Present Creates Conflict: The holidays come with messages everywhere telling us to be holly, jolly, and bright. When you are grieving, those expectations can feel almost impossible. You’re not alone! The internal conflict can create a guilty conscience, frustration, or the fear of being misunderstood. There is no wrong way to make it through the holidays when grieving, but the internal tension can be real and tiring.
Cold Weather Limits Connection and Activity: When it’s warm outside, people naturally spend more time outdoors moving and socializing. When winter arrives, cold weather deters people from wanting to go out, leaving fewer activities to distract or comfort us, and the feelings of loss can be intensified.
Different Ways To Support Yourself During the Holiday Season
Grief can’t be hurried or controlled, but there are things you can practice that could help to bring comfort during the cold seasons.
Create New Traditions If Old Ones Feel Too Painful: Some families and individuals find healing by creating new traditions that honor their loved one without recreating painful memories. This could include lighting a candle, sharing a favorite story, preparing one of their dishes, creating an ornament, or setting up a small remembrance table. New traditions do not erase old memories; instead, they provide new ways for love to keep showing up.
Keep Communication Open With Family and Friends: Be honest with your loved ones about what feels overwhelming and what feels comforting. People are more likely to support you when they know what you need. It’s easier to cope with grief when you’re not alone.
Spend More Time Outdoors: Brief time spent outside can help improve mood, steady emotions, and bring a sense of grounding. Fresh air and a short walk can relieve some of the heaviness that winter brings.
Celebrate or Step Back: Celebrate if it feels right. Taking it easy if it feels painful or forced is fine. Grief does not follow holiday rules. Your healing should always come first.
Allow Yourself to Feel Your Feels: There is no expectation to be merry simply because the holidays are here. It’s okay for emotions to have ups and downs. Sadness, anger, confusion, loneliness, and even moments of relief can exist all at the same time. None of these feelings are wrong. Grief is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of love and loss. Giving yourself permission to feel is an important part of healing. If you need rest, take it. If you need quiet, find it. If you feel overwhelmed, hurt, or angry, finding a safe outlet can help release what you are carrying.
Other times, what you need most is someone to talk to, someone who doesn’t know you personally and can simply listen without judgment, or someone who understands what you are going through and can offer guidance and support. Whether you prefer speaking with a professional counselor, joining a support group, or exploring other outlets for expression, different options exist to help. Supporting your emotions through available resources, whether through conversation, creative expression, or physical release, is a powerful way to care for yourself during the holiday.
If you are in the Brooklyn or greater NYC area, here are a few places where you can find support to help you fully feel what you feel:
Talk to Someone
Physical Expression
- The Rage Cage (Brooklyn)
- Glory Martial Arts (Brooklyn, Staten Island N and S)
- Underground Boxing Gym (Brooklyn)
Creative Outlets
Fairhaven Memorial Chapel Is Here To Support Families During the Holidays
The cold seasons and holiday months can be some of the most emotionally draining times for families who have experienced a loss. At Fairhaven Memorial Chapel, we understand this deeply. Families often reach out during the holidays to talk, ask questions, or share memories. We are honored to be part of that experience. Our staff offers support, guidance, and care not only at the time of service but long after. Whether you are planning a winter service, updating memorial plans, or simply looking for reassurance, we are here to help. Grief may feel like a lot this time of year, but you are not walking this path alone. For additional support and ways to cope with the holidays, visit our Grief and Healing Resources page. There you will find tools, tips, and resources to help you find your way through grief and caring for yourself and loved ones during this season.